As I look toward the new year I am not filled with the need to make resolutions or ponder necessary change. This alone is a change for me. I usually make a resolution or two, thought D.Jones has always declined to join in the “fun”. He’s always said that resolutions are frivolous, and, as we all know, are only to be broken within the following few weeks. This isn’t the reason for my choice to sidestep the resolutions for myself this year, though. My real reason is that I can’t think of anything that I feel compelled to change.
Although 2009 brought challenges along with the good times, they were simply the challenges of life. Parenting challenges, relationship challenges, healthy living challenges, and my usual feeling of restlessness. These seem so minimal compared to the challenges that others face. These are the challenges of the lucky, or like I often remind myself, “if this is the worst I’ve got, things are not bad, are they?” So, when reflecting on our past year, I think there is not much I would change for 2010, though I do have many changes looming that I am looking forward to….
Changes on our horizon include, of course, our expanding family, and along with the arrival of our baby girl comes the opportunity to watch Cooper grow in to his new role of big brother. I will continue my studies, edging closer and closer to pursuing a career that I hope will have a positive impact on those with whom I get the chance to work. Doug will likely face some opportunities in his careeer as well, which will bring excitement and new possibilities.
Of course there will also be the usual family times and moments that create the memories over the years that we will cherish. My hope is that we recognize those times for what they are and enjoy them in the moment, not worrying about whether or not we’re wearing the right thing or that dish we brought will be tasty, but instead focusing on the fact that these times are fleeting and when we open them later, like Christmas packages of memories, we won’t remember those insignificant details but will simply recall the time we got to spend with our family and friends.
I shared some recent stories about Cooper with my mom yesterday and she asked me if I’m journaling for him. It’s something I’ve tried to do a few different times, but wasn’t keeping up with it. This was one of the reasons I began our family blog, so that I would have a history of events to look back on and to share with him some day when he’s interested. There is something to looking back at someone’s written word, though, that strikes a deeper chord. I may try to get some things down in pen and paper this year for both kids, but I’m not making any resolution to do so. For now, this medium will have to suffice, because my fingers flying along on my keyboard seem to help my thoughts flow more than holding pen in hand does, so I hope for now, that’s good enough.
So, some day when they are wondering what was going on with their mom as she embarked on the beginning of the year 2010, they can hopefully hold this typewritten page in hand and read my thoughts to each of them…
Cooper Jones, as you always introduce yourself to others. This past year, your third year with me, I have been amazed at so many things. Your ability to make me laugh with your quick wit and sense of humor is a constant. Your expressions that go along with some of your funnier moments make me yearn to reach out and hug you to me at so many different times throughout the day. As you grow and become more independent though, I try to resist doing it as often as I’d like, knowing that I’ll see your eyes roll in response or even have you say in an exasperated tone “what do you need, mommy!?” It always makes me smile because rather than seeing it as the beginning of times when you will move away from my comfort, I see it as you becoming the bright, independent, self-sufficient boy that you are growing to become. Don’t get me wrong, it does affect me because I remember those nights I rocked you in the rocking chair in your nursery, and I remember the times I just held you for hours on end and smelled the smell of you as I held you close, and I know those times cannot be recaptured, but there is just so much more to come that I have to look forward to with you that I try not to dwell on the fact that those moments flew past before I was ready for them to be gone.
You will be turning four years old soon, and though that is still so ridiculously young, you often seem so beyond your years. You always really have, though, and when I used to hear the expression “he’s an old soul” I never really “got it”, but since being introduced to you, I do. You have such a depth already and I can’t wait to see where it takes you.
One thing I know for sure is that I’m looking forward to you becoming a big brother. You have moved, over the past few weeks from telling us that your little sister will never be allowed in your room, and certainly not to touch your cars and trucks, to asking when she’s going to be here so you can rock her in her bassinet. You have now decided that having a little sister is going to be a good thing and continually ask me when she’ll be big enough to have a slumber party with you in your room. I can’t wait for those days to come, when I can watch you be the caring, sweet and thoughtful big brother that I know you will become.
2010 will be the last year for us before you start kindergarten, too, which just completely blows my mind because it seems such a short time ago that your daddy and I heard the doctor say “it’s a boy!” and before my very eyes I saw your daddy change in to a father. A father who quickly ditched me in the O.R. at the hospital because he wasn’t letting any nurses take his boy away without him being there beside them with a watchful eye.
I look forward to what’s to come in 2010 with you, Coops, and I think 2010 will be just as exciting for us as the past few years have been. I love you, baby~
To my daughter…. Boy that sounds good to me. 2010 will bring the year that I actually get to meet you and see your little face. I can’t wait, already and we’ve got some time to go, little one, yet I already dream of days to come. First, when I will hold you and rock you and stare at your sleeping face, trying to take in every single moment and store it for times that will come too quickly when it will seem like long ago. You are lucky in that your big brother paved the “parenting” way for you and you will be arriving with parents who are more patient, more in-the-moment, and less anxious than they were when he was born. For that, some day, you should thank him.
You have a daddy who is terrified of being daddy to a little girl, mostly, I think, because it’s so important to him to be a great one. In truth, he has mentioned for over a year now that he would love the chance to have a daughter, so when we got the news a couple of months ago that you were, in fact, a girl, we were both overjoyed, to say the least.
I will admit to already dreaming of the days that we spend together, you and I. Times when you are older and we shop together, or go get a manicure. Days that I spend laying on the floor coloring with you and watching your face light up when you open a new doll. I remember my own excitement, and the new doll smell, and I can’t wait to witness you creating those same memories.
The news that you were joining our family, and then the news that we were going to have a daughter brought so many overwhelming emotions to me, as I thought there was no way that I could be so blessed, and yet here I am counting the days until I can look in to your eyes and know that it’s real.
I can’t wait to spend this first year with you, baby, and watch you achieve all of the milestones of a newborn. Smiling at me, reaching for toys, rolling over, and enjoying that first meal of rice cereal. 2010 will bring a year of “firsts” for you and your daddy and I can’t wait to be a part of it. We haven’t yet officially met, but I love you more than you can imagine….
To everyone else, from the expanding Jones family….Happy New Year!
May 2010 bring excitement, happiness, peace and joy to you are yours~